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My sister is my trusted sidekick threw most everything in my life, we basicly feel each others pains and when one of us is down the other is too and etc... I love her lots and she's amazing. I am trying to get her to startup a blog too and who knows maybe sometime soon she will! That would be totally amazing! You all would like her..
So... I'm sitting up this late talking to my sister about things I like and don't like about my life and falling back into my pattern of.. I want to do this and be that. It sucks sometimes when you look at yourself and really don't know what or who you are anymore. I feel like sometimes I'm a robot. I walk threw life and do the daily motions but putting something real behind it is so hard for me. Don't get me wrong I show my hubby love and trully mean it and my kids and family that isn't what I mean.. What I'm talking about is those times when I think.... Man I really need to start taking more pride in myself, clothes, hair, make-up... etc... I tell myself that I'm going to change and be more aware of myself and my body and start doing the right things; like dieting, only to let myself down again.
How can I start loving myself trully and start feeling better? I took the advice of FatAngryBlog and got myself some Vitamin D I'm hoping that it will start helping me feel better and things. If it worked for her I'm certain it'll work for me!!! I'm going to try and start being more dedicated to my diet and health. I need to I really do!
I'm going to do something a little different.. I'm going to write a list right now of things about myself I want to change.... things that embarass me to even tell anyone but things that maybe if I see daily I won't forget what hurts me the most about myself. Here it goes....
Drum Roll Please.....
THINGS ABOUT GINA I WANT TO CHANGE!!
- Self Esteem. I have zero.
- Being tired all the time
- disliking my sister-in-law
- saying one thing & doing another.
- Fixing my hair.
- Doing my make-up.
- Spending time with my hubby
- actually complete a quilt, not just a top.
- Thinking negative about everything.
- being lazy about some things.
- being awkward in public.
- feeling like the world is out to get me.
- doing the same thing day in day out.
- break my addiction to secondlife.
- stop reading into things.
- start actually reading books.
Okay.. thats a start! I'm certain I will be adding much to this list as I have more time to think about it! Now I want to make a promise to my blog....
- I will not neglect you.
- I will not lie to people to look cool.
- I will not remove blog posts, no matter how stupid I look or feel when I go back and read them.
- I will start posting more!
- I'll be more responsive to everyone and everything around me or my blog.
- I will post pictures of myself and face what I am.
Okay all! It's getting late and I need to try and make my body shutdown for sleep!! Tomorrow looks very much the same as today... sitting on the sofa watching tv with my beautiful daughters.... and cooking... yay fun! It actually is fun :D Take care! *HUGS*
3 comments:
Remember to check with your naturopath or doctor or nutritionist on how much vitamin D you should take.
Also, why not join Ellen's Hate-Loss Challenge at http://fatgirlwearingthin.com ? Even if you are starting up halfway through - it's still worthwhile!
Gina, This is just my opinion so take it as such but you have the classic symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. Have you ever talked with a doctor or a psychologist about your feelings? It might help a lot. Being unable to turn your mind off even when you are tired is a major sign of racing thoughts. Part of my illness deals with Bipolar Disorder and your issue sound very familiar to me. Please let me know if you have any questions. Hugs.
Hey FatAngryBlog =)) I'm going to go check that out right now ! Hate-loss challenge definatly sounds like my kind of thing!!
@Karen, I've never been diagnosed with being Bipolar but I gotta admit I've suspected it for a while. I used to take Zoloft, and it helped me a lot, but then I couldn't afford it anymore.. :\ So I had to come off it, I will visit my Doctor on Monday.. I will talk to him about it. As for questions, I don't know where to start I have so many.. I will try to formulate a message to you soon... thanks so much *hugs* it really means a lot that your straight up with me! That's the kind of friends I want!!! THanks a million!
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