I'm gonna die (it) in 7 days.....

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long since my last post!  The holidays have been welllll crazy to say the least.. I'm glad I survived Christmas and I hope that all you had a wonderful christmas and I hope Santa treated you well :))  I hosted my first ever family christmas this year and I gotta say.... my nerves actually didn't get too bad until about 30 minutes before everyone was sceduled to arrive.  Dinner went off without a hitch and the kids adored present time of course.. all in all it was a great night :D I was very blessed!!!

Okay so I'm down to my final days living this unhealthy lifestyle.  As most of you might know I've given myself and official start date for my new diet or as I like to call it "New Lifestyle"  I don't want to make a diet choice I want to make a healthy life choice.  I need to do this for me, for my family and for my life.  I'm getting some serious health issues due to my being overweight.  I will begin to blog much more during this process of becoming whoever I am... I gotta admit I'm really curious to see who is under this fat... SOOOOO in light of my new life choice.... On January 1st, I'm going to post pictures of myself full body shots... this is something thats soooo hard for me simply because of my weight and how ashamed I am of it.  I've never posted a full body picture of myself on the net or anything I don't even have any in my home!!  I'm a little nervous but this is it, my final stand !! I AM TAKING MY BODY BACK!!!!!

OKies... I'm going to run for now but I hope you all have a great rest of the week and enjoy your finals days in the year 2010!!

*hugs*

It's beginning to look/feel a lot like Christmas!

      Okay, I gotta admit this is my uttermost favorite time of year UNTIL I go broke buying presents. LoL I always try to even out what my kids get so that they all get the same amount to open on Christmas Morning, sometimes that's not easy when my son wants expensive games and my daughters don't want expensive things one of his presents cost more than all the girls... it's crazy! It's important to me to make sure my kids remember what Christmas is trully about though, and thats not presents or Santa.  It's about Jesus :D  At least for me and my family it is!!  
      So basicly, as for my health and diet... I have been bad.. really bad... It's the holidays and there are so many nice treats and snacks to eat it's so hard not to eat, I'm commiting myself to beginning 2011 on a firm way of living diet.. something that I won't starve myself but cutting out the soda and all the fatty habits I have... I will formerly start my diet blog then!! I mean as for the dieting aspect, right now I am being bad I know it's wrong I'm trying to control it somewhat but I'm failing miserable !!  Short blog today folks ! I might do one a bit later but I need to get some things done around my home hehe!!!

     TALK SOON!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Not so interesting but here goes...

      I realize I started this blog to be open and honest about who I am for the first time in my life, about me, my weight, my thoughts my fears and most anything else I wanna talk to you all about!  Welp someone asked me in email if I would share a little more about me.. sooo here goes :D  I grew up as the adopted child of my aunt and uncle, whom I will always ALWAYS call Mom and Dad they are my mom and dad always and forever, it takes a real special person to raise a child that isn't their own and take care of them even though they didn't have to, so if you are reading this mom and dad I LOVE YOU! Never forget that. 
      I was always a insecure child,  I was the kind who couldn't have more than one friend at a time because I felt it was important to give one person the best friendship possible, I know this probably makes no sense but it's who I was... growing up I always felt ugly, even though I wasn't a chubby kid or now that I look back at it I wasn't ugly.  I never felt pretty like the other girls, I had no confidence at all.  I surprised myself once by entering a speech contest for the 4H club and low and behold I went to state, but that wasn't enough to make me have confidence either.  I always liked the cute boys in class and things but they never liked me.  I was never the popular girl or the girl people wanted to be around.  I was the outcast and my friends were all mainly what most people consider to be outcast.  However they were special.  I grew up with a chip on my shoulder for no good reason.
          When I got to high school I met a guy my Sophmore year we "dated" til my junior year and then my mom started allowing me to really date him, he would come over sit on the sofa etc... big time stuff for me.. lol.  We got to Christmas Senior year and in his old beat up crappy chevy blazer he gave me a fake cubic zerconia ring and declared he wanted to marry me.  I of course being a nieve teenager jumped at the chance to have a husband even tho he wasn't at all what I wanted or thought my knight in shining armor would be.  Long story short, I was told several times he cheated on me but I ignored them and he often left me hanging and the entir relationship was childish but in April of the year 1997 I married this man.  by November 2000 I was delivering my third child. 
        That brings me to my most precious blessing ever; my kids.  I have three kids, they are 12, 11 and 10 yrs old.  They are trully my everything.  Ten months divided my 12 and 11 year old and 13 between my 11 and 10 year old. So they are declared as my dad says "Irish Twins"  I at the age of 21 had been married for almost 3 yrs and had 3 children, and a marriage that was sad due to the fact that it was pretty much loveless.   We remained married for ten years and then we both decided that due to his need for other women we would call it quits after 10 years.  I gotta tell you most people would consider this a heartbreak and complete mess but for me... it was my saving grace. 
      
        I got some money together, moved closer to my family and started my new life as a single mommy... I gotta tell you, I didn't miss him at all.  Weird I know.  I was a single mommy for I think close to 2 yrs and thats when I met my now husband, whom I can honestly tell you I adore.  He is amazing and we met outta the most weird circumstance.  Most people warn you about meeting people online, wellll I'm the exception in this case I met my current husband on myspace... we got to know one another met in person and things took off from there and ladies I gotta tell you... this is DEFINATLY the one.  I never felt the way I do about him about anyone ever in my life. 

      So this brings me to my life, I am a mommy, a wife, a daughter and sister.  I live in Eastern Kentucky, and the things I enjoy doing are now my blog, but I love watching movies, I actually adore cleaning and decorating my home, I play the acoustic guitar, and sing.  I love all music and I attend church every Sunday.  My dad is a preacher and my mom is my bestest friend in the world.  I have a step sister who I wouldn't ever call a step because she's my sister and best friend and I love her to pieces we are super close.  I have three brothers and I've got a pretty great life.  

      Right now I feel like i've typed enough to bore ya'll for a while soooo I'm going to end it right here... I guess this is some of my about me hehe :)) I am positive there are things I've forgotten to mention here but I am certain there is plenty of time to write more in future blogs!!  Hope everyone is having a great Thursday !! Talk Soon!!!

Snow,Ice, Rain..... Old man winter hates me...

Seriously.. I think he does!! We got six inches of snow and my kids had to miss school all this week so far.. and tonight yet again MORE ice and snow... this weather is not good for me because it's times like this that I have nothing else to do but yes thats right EAT ahhhhhh someone put a lock on my fridge quick?  Why is food so appealing to me.. I just don't get it!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH

Mountain Dew Woes.....

First off thanks sooo much to the email messages I have been getting you are all AMAZING and I hope that I can maintain this blog and keep it true and real to me and who I am! I gotta admit that it is actually a great feeling to feel completly open in something for the first time, this is a chance for me to be me!  I've hidden behind everything in life, the main thing i've been hiding behind is food.  I get sad.. I eat... I get happy... I eat... I think any emotion in my life I fill it in with food.  I was reading the blog I posted this morning, and WOW I really wanted to loose that much weight by April 2.. I think my calculations on what month it is was way off... My birthday is April 2 I will be 32.. I'm at 298 right now I think honestly if I was down to say 275 by my birthday I'd be happy.  I want to do this as healthy as possible and I want it to be a complete life choice I know some people say I'm starting a "diet" I don't know if I like to call it that because it needs to be a way of life for me.  The rate i'm going I'm going to kill over with a heart attack before I ever see my grand kids.  Maybe I'm thinking to far ahead so I'll bring it back to reality today....  Right now I am wondering what method I should use, some have said Weight Watchers, some say different things... What has worked for you all?  I'm wanting to do something that I can stick with and live with. I'm going to admit my major fault and I know most of you are going to be like AHHH stop drinking it!! The thing I'm most addicted to and the one thing that is causing me to pack on weight like mad is Mountain Dew... Lets be real tho it doesn't matter what kind of soda it is I'll drink it... for about a week now I have been drinking Pepsi Max... I'm not real sure if thats any better.... I do know that I don't like it as much and I need something I can drink other than Soda.  It's my addiction and I am at a point to where i'm ready to break this addiction.. I'm ready to kick it's butt!!

Okay.. I hope this blog didn't ramble too much! I promise i'm learning and I'll get better hehe!!!

Talk to you all real soon!

Maybe True Stories........

Okay, so I guess the first thing I should do is try an attempt to write something to let you know just who I am.  My name is Gina, I live in a rural one horse town in Eastern Kentucky with my Hubby and three kids. I am 31 and nearly turning 32, in April 2011.  I've been surfing around the interwebs trying to find people who are like me, and to be honest when I say like me... I mean fat.  I try constantly to overlook my weight, avoiding mirrors, not wanting to go to functions that my husband has as work because I don't want his co-workers to make fun of him for having a fat wife.  I have three kids who are just wonderful, and I love more than life itself, but I am so afraid of going into their school and their friends picking on them for having a fat mom.  This actually has happened once.  I'm just going to put this all out there, I'm very very VERY insecure about myself, I hate the way I look and I have little to no self confidence.  I've never been myself online, thats hard to admit, I normally just avoid telling anyone who or what I am.  I am afraid if people really knew what I thought and felt I'd be hated or something like that.  This is a whole other can of worms  I intend to address in this blog.  Fact is, I have so many issues and most of them I create myself, including my weight.  I know that with some hard work I could lose this weight and I could be more healthy but I'm too lazy to even do that 90% of the time.  My head is often filled with a million different things and I fear that's going to come across in this blog so please if I tend to ramble and switch subjects quick try to bare with me, I'm doing the best I can.  I tend to worry most of the day about things I can't control or things I can't begin to understand, like my husband and kids being made fun of cause i'm fat.  I worry about bills, house cleaning and other things and I know this all might seem very boring and typical but thats just me I guess, boring and typical.  Anyway, I really want to give myself a chance to be me and try to lose this weight, I want to see who is underneath all this crappy fat.  I get so sick of myself, and I just can't stand me period.  I'm not at all happy, even tho I have things in my life a lot of women hope for... like.. a wonderful family, kids. I have every chance to be happy but the one hold back I have is myself, my weight is killing me and I need to do something about it.  So if you read this and you think you can relate or want to maybe be friends or anything please subscribe or however you do it on blogspot.  This is my first time here so I'm a extreme newbie to so many things!! 

Okay.. here goes... the first time I have ever admitted these facts to anyone.
Current Weight: 298lbs.
Size: 3-4x tops - 28 pants.
Height: 5ft.  <- Yes. You can imagine what I look like :(
Pictures:  Well i'm working on that.. babysteps for me... but I will try my best to get those posted within the next two weeks.  That's a goal of mine.

Goal: 198lbs by April 2 which is my 32 birthday... is this unrealistic?  Lemme know...

mini-goal : 285

Okay I will do my best to update this at least every other day or in fact daily.. thanks for reading my first post....

BTW my blog name isn't saying that I intend to leave you guessing if I'm real or true, I'm 100% honest on this blog, but the name came from a song that Lauren O'Connell Sings, I just so happened to be listening to it when I signed up and couldn't think of anything at all clever so I went with this.